Happy Monday and greetings from Quarantine central, lol! I am so excited to bring you this special feature on a pretty big social media star, Jasmin Steiner who is also a blogger, personal fitness coach, life coach, and self-love advocate. I was so pleased when she agreed to allow me to interview her for my blog. I have been following her on Instagram for almost a year and have found her posts to be very inspirational. I suffer sometimes from lack of self-confidence and so hearing her struggles made me feel less alone and more aware of how my self-confidence might be impeding my success. She is a great example of what it means to struggle with mental illness and still be able to persevere. Here is our interview below:

1) I know you are a mom of three with a set of twins, it is easy to be hard on yourself and your body for what it isn’t rather than accepting what is…how did you change your mindset, especially since you are a fitness coach? What would you say to other moms who are having difficulty accepting their new bodies?

Well it began with a woman who told me I would be nothing more than stretch marks and saggy skin— I refused to let her perspective on my life come to fruition. So, I fought very hard through PPD and feeling incredibly lost after my twins were born because the identity I had built was stripped from me. I was “supposed” to be a fitness model rocking my six pack flaunting my snap back. I had to learn my value was deeper than my physical contribution to the world. I had to stare my ego in its face and it wasn’t a pretty sight. And the work started there.

I would tell any mom to start just thanking her body for showing up. For breathing. Caring for her kids.  For enjoying the weather. Just start with small things. Things that don’t take much effort to find gratitude in.

2) As a survivor of PPD, can you tell us a little about your experience with this disorder and if you received any counseling? If not, how did you manage to overcome it?

It was terrible. I was a compulsive google-er and my most researched topic was SIDS. I was so terrified I would lose them. I would have a panic attack every night anticipating the lack of sleep I would get. I couldn’t drink water because I felt like I was drowning. I thought about running away. I thought about dying. It was intense. I didn’t receive counseling but I did have an amazing support team. I was in anti-depressants, anxiety medications and sleep medications.

Everyone is so different on how we handle these thing but I first walked and talked my way through it. I walked miles a day while the twins napped and talked to my mom, who was my rock at the time, constantly. Then as time passed, I started working out, praying/meditating and reading.

3) It is my understanding from following you on social media that you battled with anxiety. How did this impact your relationship with others? Have you gotten a handle of it and if so how?

Oh gosh hahaha, well I tend to catastrophize and just assume the worse of everyone’s intention and tend to self sabotage relationships. I’ve had to learn to tell myself what the reality in that moment is and not give into the stories my mind was telling me. Anxiety taught me I needed to be present. I was living too much in the future.

4) You are a life coach. Give us some insight of the services you offer and how they might be helpful to someone who needs them.

Sometimes we don’t know where or how to start but we do have the desire to wan to change our mindset and change our lives. Life coaching with me, is done month to month with a 45 min call each week for us to meet and hold each other accountable, with follow up practice exercises and routines for you to implement in your daily life to change your life. New thoughts, create new behaviors, create new beliefs and truly CHANGE your mind.

5) You are very open about your issues within your marriage and talk about how you worked through. What advice would you give others going through similar issues? How do you all balance being parents of multiples and make time for your marriage?

Don’t be afraid to get professional help and realize a relationship is always two sided. BUT there’s a catch the only power you have is to improve yourself through working on your limitations beliefs, childhood traumas and subconscious behaviors. We can’t change people only ourselves.

I don’t think there is such a thing as balance. Just harmony. We personally aren’t really high maintenance in that way. We hang out for 30-45 minutes a night talking and cleaning up for the next day and keep in contact a lot on our phones. We are each other’s best friend so I’m grateful for that.

6) People are really hurting right now due to Co-vid and having to stay indoors. What are some suggestions you can give about preserving your mental and physical health? What sensory activities do you suggest for the kids now that they are home?

I would honestly tell everyone to not put pressure on yourself to do it “right” there is not right at this time. Eat healthy when you can but don’t stress if your kids devour a bag of chips—they will survive. And though I’m a coach I wouldn’t force anyone into working out unless they were up for it. A psychiatrist I follow was talking about exercise can enhance the fight and flight response which aids to higher stress in our bodies. I would suggest to anyone get fresh air, stay connected to those you love and start a gratitude journal.

Again, don’t complicate it when it comes to the kiddos. I personally strive better under structure so Monday-Friday we home-school till noon then after naps we spend time outside till I cook and then they do solo play. I google a lot of the activities and sometimes just make things up myself. Choose things that would be fun for all. Like making a volcano!

7) Being that you are a fellow blogger, describe your blog in three words. What do you hope people will gain from reading your blog?

Married. Mom. And mantras. As obvious as it seems, I want people to feel less alone in their experiences—that what they are feeling is not bad or wrong or weird.

8) Affirmations are important for building self-esteem and creating possibilities for a better future. Give us some examples of some of your “mantras” that we can use daily.

I am present. I am grateful. I am abundant. I am patient.

I affirm being present because that’s where life is lived and sometimes especially with social media it can distract from that. I affirm being grateful because gratitude is so important in our lives. I feel we must see what we have now to receive later. I affirm abundance because sometimes the scarcity mindset I was taught gets ahold of me and I have to remember even the simple fact of having running water is abundance. I affirm my patience-well because I’m a mom and I can never have too much of it.

9) Where can we find you on social media?

Married Mom and Mantras is on FB, IG, YouTube

I hope that you all are doing well and maintaining your peace of mind during this pandemic. I have my good days and my bad days. Last night was pretty bad in that I had a high level of anxiety about all the things I had to do today and found it difficult to sleep. However, in this interview I was reminded that I don’t have to be perfect all the time and it is ok to “just be.” It is also important to be present and not obsess over the future. I definitely need to work on being present more and worrying less. I hope you all are able to do the same and find things you enjoy doing to keep your mood stable during these trying times. Positive affirmations are a great way to help keep you on track and preserve your mental health. Maybe I need to do something like this on my mirror so I have a daily reminder of how infinitely powerful I am…how powerful we ALL are.

Please feel free to comment below. I would love to see comments from you all about things you like (or dislike) about my blog or some features you would like to see. Take good care of your minds and your bodies and make sure to be kind to yourselves.

Love and light,

Kira

Due to the conclusion of Black history month drawing near, I wanted to end the month highlighting books that I have come to love. These books have offered me inspiration and motivated me to keep going, when I have come to some dead ends in my business. These books have uplifted me not just as a businesswoman but as a WOMAN. The unique experiences these black women have gone through I can identify with and I appreciate their transparency because it has helped me to grow as an individual. I hope that these books will offer you the same enlightenment. Here are two books that I highly recommend:

1)   Woman of Color by Latonya Yvette– Latonya is a stylist and lifestyle blogger who wrote this incredible book that highlights not only her personal style but her life as a mother and woman. Her book is a mix of childhood experiences from the past up until where she is at today. In her book are beautifully styled photos of herself and her children in addition to classic photos from her childhood where she is slowly but surely turning into a fashionista. Each article of clothing she reports holds a special significance to her due to her ties to certain people in her life.  She also includes personal interviews with other black women who speak of their own experiences as being women of color. I especially love how they highlight how their childhood experiences have shaped the types of mothers they have become and what they hope to instill in their own children. They discuss insecurities they have as women and mothers and how they practice self-care. I always see women as mothers on social media who look so pulled together so it’s refreshing to hear how some women struggle with the transition into motherhood. Latonya also talks about her own personal struggles in having a baby in her early 20’s to losing one shortly after. Latonya is the epitome of someone who carries herself with such grace, style, and coolness. She even gives you tips on how to style black hair, clothes if you have limited items in your closet, and do your makeup if you have limited time as most mothers do. I absolutely love everything about her from her not so perfect smile to her wide nose and big fro. She is absolutely beautiful and is the epitome of the confidence I hope to develop as I journey through womanhood. Society puts so much pressure on women to “have it all” but we don’t have to and can still attain happiness through accepting ourselves just as we are.

2)  The Queendom Code of Conduct- 12 Laws to Women In Business– This book is written by a phenomenal and powerful woman that goes by the name “Angela Brand.” I first met her at the One Woman International Conference in Raleigh where she dominated the room during her presentation with her big personality and energy. I remember running down the aisle several times to get the books she was giving away because I was in such awe of her. I knew that anything she had written would change my life. Unfortunately, I did not get a book this way and was very disappointed when other women walked away smiling from ear to ear with their books. So imagine how pleased I was when I went up to her table to look at her merchandise, that she handed me a book FOR FREE. I hugged her so graciously full of appreciation for the opportunity to gain knowledge of how to become a successful brand.

Well I am still reading this book, savoring every bit of it because it is THAT good! It’s like eating a delicious piece of chocolate or enjoying a nice glass of wine. It is so refreshing that I want to make sure I take it in slowly rather than pummel right through. She talks about her own personal history being a single mother on welfare and struggling to make it on government assistance while trying to start her own businesses. She tells the story of trauma being sexually abused as a young girl by multiple people and how that has shaped her life as a woman and mother. She offers insights from other female black business owners that can help someone starting out in their own business to know how to brand their business. Branding is extremely important. Marketing is extremely important. As a new business owner, I underestimated the importance of good marketing until I had to do it. If you don’t know what you are doing, it is a HUGE learning curve. So that is why it is important to read literature that can offer you guidance on how to do it right. It is important to receive mentorship either in person or otherwise that can walk you through creating your own personal brand. From reading her book, I learned that it is important to be genuine and to be yourself. Don’t try to be like other businesses and do it their way, just because they are successful. Do what feels natural to you while taking into account your target audience. I can’t give away all her gems but if you want to learn more, get her book. You won’t regret it!

Anyway, as you already know (hopefully due to my successful marketing), I have a newly released book that came out on Valentine’s Day called Suzy the Dressmaker. I hope that you all take a look at this book as it is already holding special significance in certain people’s lives. One mom reported that it allowed her daughter to give her fear a name by calling it “anxiety” and to open up more about her past experience being bullied. I appreciate hearing this feedback because this is exactly my goal in creating my book series, the Heroes We Know Collection. I wanted to identify and simplify the symptoms of different developmental and behavioral health challenges so that children can understand. I write books for children not adults. My hope is that adults will appreciate the books I write but it is more important for children to get the message behind the books because this is who I write books for. It makes my heart smile when children and parents get the message behind my books.

In addition, Read Across America day on Monday, March 2nd is right around the corner and the big push is for not just Dr. Seuss books to be read but books that cover a wide range of diverse populations. So, I ask you that if you don’t buy my books, PLEASE buy a book that is either written by a person of color or is written about a person of color. We need to show our children that diversity is something to be embraced and not shunned.

As we come to the close of Black history month for 2020, I want to say it has truly been a great one! I can’t express enough how proud I am to be black woman and how I will continue to carry myself with style and grace while not holding back my own personal TRUTH. As a friend of mine always told me when I would speak poorly of myself or a situation, “Don’t hide your light under a bushel, Kira.” Not anymore… not anymore.

Kira