I promised this blog for a while now but to be honest, I had not had the urge to blog much recently. I just quit my part-time weekend job and have been enjoying the extra free time this summer. However, it was time I got back to writing and so I wanted to write about something that had been on my mind for a while. Matching your energy to the people around you. What do I mean by this? See…a lot of us (really most of us) don’t pay attention to those we surround ourselves with. We get so caught up in ‘being’ with other people but never truly pay attention to how they treat us. I saw a recent post where Serena was cheering on her opponent who had beat her but when Serena won and was in the spotlight, that same opponent was looking on with tears in her eyes. A lot of us are comfortable playing into the role of being a cheerleader for others but when it comes to being supported, it is always lacking when it is our turn.
Energy matching is matching the rhythm of how we communicate to those around us. It is kind of like the therapeutic version of mirroring but is intentional and occurs in your personal relationships. It allows for the recalibration of energy into people and things that pour into us. We are not always the first to text, call, or invite out. Instead, we move as quickly or as intensely as others around us do. It is a way of preserving ourselves for those who truly appreciate us and what we have to offer. It can be applied to friends, family, employers, and intimate relationships. I am a firm believer in self-preservation and I have seen personally and professionally a lot of people get tethered to the wrong people or situations and end up being wiped out by pouring into others that do not do the same in return.
So, what if someone’s energy is “off” and you find that they are not that into you as they once were. What should you do? Give them space. I know that’s hard especially if you are really feeling that person or you miss them but there may be a good reason why they are doing this and you forcing yourself on them is not going to change anything. You may never understand or know the “why” but at the end of the day, does that really matter? Instead of pondering and trying to guess what happened, allow time and space to either heal whatever was broken or move on to those who truly appreciate and love everything about you. “Closure” used to be a big thing back in the 1990’s and early 2000’s in every romcom out there and everyone in real life wanted this in relationships that had ended. Thankfully now people have realized that it is best to move on as the truth will always reveal itself later. Sometimes, that is the only choice you have.
Then of course, there are those who believe the way you give yourself to others should be without any expectation and it shouldn’t matter how little or how much they give in return. I call this the “martyr” syndrome. I don’t prescribe to the need for self-sacrifice outside of my relationship to God. I mean of course I give to charity, those who are financially destitute, and I had previously dedicated my weekends to counseling clients in distress. However, in my personal relationships to those who are fully capable of love and regard (unless they are upfront that they aren’t due to some trauma history or such), there is an expectation of reciprocity. Just like I used to hear in church every Sunday before tithes and offering, if you are not a cheerful giver, please don’t give. Meaning don’t be stingy or just keep your money. Same should go for the energy you invest in a relationship with someone. If they are hoarding their time or energy when it comes to you, keep that energy for someone or something else. I truly believe in the laws of attraction and when you stop wasting your time and energy on the wrong things, the right things will come your way!
I give you this advice after having my own personal experience with energy matching. I made it my intention to energy match all this month because of feeling drained to a degree. I have been trying to conserve my energy for the things that really matter in my life and so I have been limiting my interactions with others unless they are purposeful and meaningful. Historically, I was the one who always initiated contact and I found that was starting to leave me to be slightly resentful. I began to redirect my time to resting and doing things I loved like reading and exercising. Not only did I notice a change in my body physically but also in my mental health. I also noticed that those who generally didn’t reach out first started to reach out more and that our interactions felt less forced and more pleasurable. I also noticed that I no longer craved or waited on the contact but went about my life so when the contact from the other party happened, it was a welcome surprise rather than a necessity. We had more things to talk about and discuss rather than having petty conversation. Most importantly, I was able to keep a part of myself to myself and utilize my free time to grow my two businesses and connect with others. It was a win-win for me!
Don’t get me wrong, connection with others IS important and no other time taught us that than this pandemic. In fact, social connection and sense of community has been linked to long-livers all across this world. However, the quality of the interactions is much more important than the quantity. I believe that the people you choose to be a part of your “tribe” need to be people that help your energy grow and flow. If you are noticing that you are feeling stagnant and disconnected from your tribe, maybe it is YOU and you need to work on yourself or maybe…just maybe, it is them. Tribes can consist of different kinds of people and they can grow and flow just like you do as you navigate this rollercoaster of life. Allow for your tribe to be open to others leaving or coming into your life especially when you are noticing energy shifts.
I don’t know if this was what you were looking for in my post, but I hope this helps someone out there. So many people have a hard time (including myself), letting go of old things, including relationships because of history and sentimentality. However, when those things or people no longer serve you, it’s time to create some distance. Sometimes those people will come back around at another time in your life when stars align, and other times it might just be best to call it quits and cut your losses while you are ahead.
Sending you much love and light along the way and just know, I want the best for you!